Six years we’ve been together. Six years of ups and downs for both of us, separately and together. Through all of it, you’ve remained my best friend, the one who makes me laugh all day and who constantly inspires me to better myself. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t have you.
But let’s get to the point. So much changed when my health went downhill. And let’s face it, you’ve had your moments of being a not-so-supportive boyfriend when you’ve been stressed or going through your own life dramas. That’s totally fine, we’re all human. But mostly, through all of it, you’ve been my strength. You’re the reason I’ve fought so hard to get answers, you’re the reason I push through so much so that I can continue to enjoy life. When I’m being completely irrational, you’re right there to steady me.
I feel guilty daily for not being able to be the girlfriend you deserve. To be able to go out and party with you and your friends, to run down the beach with you and our poochie, to not be able to travel to exotic places for fear of not being able to get the health care I need. I hate it, I truly do. I’m trapped in a body that won’t let me do everything I so desperately want to be able to do. But I’m not too sure why I feel guilty, because you’ve never actually made me feel that way. You’re patient, you’re understanding. You give me my space to battle my body, all while being that solid support in the background.
When I had to switch to part time work, my first concern was that you would think less of me. But you encouraged me to do what was best for me and my health. You encouraged me to do what I need to, and you never thought less of me. Then came the point where my health was making it impossible to work at all, and again you were nothing but understanding. Judgement is SO easy in these situations, and I’ve received my fair share during all this. But never from you, not once.
If I can’t do something because my fatigue is flaring up, or I have a migraine, that’s okay to you. You’ll just do something else and let me sleep. Or better yet, you’ll cuddle me in bed and scratch my back until I fall asleep. To be honest, that kind of makes feeling sick totally worth it!
Around six months ago, I started to realise and accept that this illness wasn’t going away any time soon. It may be life long, it may go away a year from now, I don’t know. But with that acceptance, came grief. Everything had changed and there was nothing I could do about it. I’d lost myself, I’d lost my ability to work… I figured the next thing to go would be you. So, as we sat in my car, I told you that I understood this was hard on you too and that I would understand if you needed to walk away. In true Aiden fashion, you never gave me a solid answer, you just kept laughing it off, trying to laugh me down from my ledge. But while you never gave me an answer, your actions were deafening. You stayed. You stayed and loved me just as fiercely as you always had, illness and all. When I felt unlovable and like I’d lost all value, you made me feel loved and completely valued.
You saw me as me, not as my illness. I’m still Laura, your Laura. And we’re still us. Through all my irrational thoughts and anxieties, through all my tumultuous emotions through this battle for my health, you stay calm and patient, loving, always.
I don’t really know how to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You would probably say that’s all part of being in a relationship. But not to me. So many relationships fold under less pressure. But not you, not ours. ❤