Yesterday I was babysitting my niece (1) and nephew (3) all day. I loved hanging out with them, but I got a new insight into what it’s like to have kids when you have a chronic illness.
Children never stop. Ever. They’re little balls of energy, addictive and adorable, but oh so exhausting after a while! I can honestly say that the longest and most stressful day at work never amounted to a full day looking after little kids. Not in the sense that it was stressful, but just how much it takes out of you.
Now, my glimpse at life as a mother was tiny, but told me so much. I probably managed to go to the bathroom once all day, and had to eat quickly while they were distracted with their own food. I cooked dinner with my niece in one arm while trying to allow my nephew to help prep the veggies without hurting himself and without actually letting the food burn. Then I gave them both a bubble bath after changing the nappy of my 1 year old niece, that was so full that I just couldn’t believe such a little human could produce so much poop!
The noise – they were ‘chatting’ and making noises all day, while constantly demanding attention and forever moving. They wanted to go outside, then inside, then outside. Then eat, poop, play, watch TV – rinse and repeat!
For all mothers out there – I have the utmost respect for you. I can’t wait to become a mother myself, but man I could see the struggle you all go through on a daily basis. Any man that says “you were at home all day, why didn’t you get anything done?” – I will personally kick you all in the balls.
Now, to the mother with chronic illness – that’s a whole other level of respect I have for you! To the mothers suffering with an autoimmune condition, chronic fatigue, diabetes, arthritis, even cancer – you are an absolute SUPER MUM! To suffer through daily fatigue, pain, nausea, digestive issues, chest pain, dizziness, insomnia, and a whole other gigantic list of issues, and STILL be able to push through all that and look after your children in the way they deserve. You deserve a god damn medal!
You don’t have time for yourself, not even a second. Not when your little babies are demanding all of it. You put yourself second ALWAYS, and I think that takes incredible strength. Self care has probably become a distant memory for you, but I still feel like it’s so important, no matter your circumstances. You need to look after yourself, to be able to look after your little ones.
For everyone else out there without children – I think it’s important to offer some support and have some more understanding on what mothers in general go through, let alone mothers who are chronically ill. Offer them an extra hand, watch their kids for half an hour while they shower and wash their hair – every little bit helps. Offer them the self care time they so desperately need. This goes for all mothers, not just the chronically ill.
But pay extra attention to those with chronic illness or pain. Extra attention to how they’re coping mentally as well as physically. I myself spent the entire day today in bed recovering, and my condition is no where near as severe as some others.
To the chronically ill mother – I see you. I think you’re incredible. Please don’t feel guilty for something you cannot help, please see that you’re doing an amazing job and pushing through so much more than anyone should have to. You’re a good mother and you’re a strong woman.