This morning I woke up and called in sick because I was too tired. That’s right, I was too tired. The actual term I used was fatigue, but when people don’t know the difference, it just sounds exactly like I’m saying “I’m too tired.”
With this lack of understanding in mind, I could have chosen to lie and make up another reason. But that’s just not who I am, I’m not going to do that to a manager and a company that trusts me, regardless of how it makes me look. Lucky for me, my manager is very understanding of my current situation.
Unlucky for me… Many other people are not. This is what the Mayo Clinic has to say about chronic fatigue.
“Nearly everyone is overtired or overworked from time to time. Such instances of temporary fatigue usually have an identifiable cause and a likely remedy.
Unrelenting exhaustion, on the other hand, lasts longer, is more profound and isn’t relieved by rest. It’s a nearly constant state of weariness that develops over time and reduces your energy, motivation and concentration. Fatigue at this level impacts your emotional and psychological well-being, too.”
This is what I have to say about chronic fatigue.
I’ve been struggling with this as a part of my condition for about 2 years. How does it make me feel? A bit sleepy, a bit lazy? No, it makes me feel bone crushingly exhausted. This morning when I woke up to attempt to get ready for work, taking a mere shower felt like the most physically grueling thing that I’d ever had to do. I was breathless, hunched over, and mentally forcing myself to make it through washing my hair. Good lordy, talk about a battle and a half. I would have plopped down on the shower floor if I could remember the last time I’d cleaned it!
I proceeded to crawl back into bed and try to convince myself to finish getting ready for work. It wasn’t happening. I proceeded to message my manager and go back to sleep… Which resulted in a 17 hour sleep if you include my night time sleep. Would you say requiring 17 hours of sleep is simply being tired? I literally slept for the amount of time that most people spend awake, after a reasonably chilled and relaxing weekend. That’s not ‘just tired’.
There are times when I’m walking somewhere with Aiden, a nice casual stroll, and I’m gripping and dragging down his hand as I struggle to get from A to B. His hand becomes my life line, and he is left dragging extra weight around. There are also often times that it affects my cognitive function, where I find it difficult to think or sometimes even speak. That is called brain fog (as explained in a previous post.) Sometimes it hits me so hard and fast that I barely know what’s happening.
Just last Wednesday I was hit so hard with fatigue and debilitating sudden sleepiness, that I couldn’t stand up during Pilates. Driving home from that sessions was borderline dangerous… Actually, not even borderline, it WAS so dangerous! Driving, a simple every day task that we’re all used to, could get me killed because of my fatigue. I find that genuinely terrifying to the point where I generally refuse to drive anywhere over half an hour away.
Occasionally my fatigue makes it hard for me to even eat, no matter how hungry I am. I could feel starving, but the second I put food near my mouth, my stomach and entire body revolts against me. How can it be too much effort to chew and swallow food?!
So please understand why I get irritable, please understand why it’s hard to hear “I’m tired too” when I’m struggling with that. Don’t get me wrong, being tired actually does suck in any situation, but it’s still not the same thing as being chronically fatigued.
I would also like to point out that this is just my experience with chronic fatigue as a secondary symptom of another illness. In other cases, chronic fatigue itself can be because of it’s own syndrome actually known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME/CFS.) Fatigue in so many of these cases can be SO much worse than what I’m describing. I truly feel for anyone battling with that ❤