Waiting Room

I’m sitting here waiting to see yet another specialist. What number is this? Probably at least my tenth since last year. These days, doctor shopping is necessary. After all, they’re only human, they can’t know it all!

As I sit here waiting, I feel a few things. One is exhaustion – I had a horrible sleep last night as usual from pain and anxiety about today’s pending appointment. Which brings me to the next thing I’m feeling – anxious. Every time I sit in a waiting room my palms sweat, my heart races, and I get lightheaded. I feel pure dread for what’s to come. Answering the same questions over and over again, explaining my symptoms to yet another doctor that may not have any answers, that may send me on my merry way with a good old “sorry I couldn’t help. Hope you feel better soon!”…Really?!

Dismissal – it’s not something any of us like to feel. Let alone those of us who are chronically ill and seeking help from the only people in the world with the ability to do so… And quite often even they can’t do that.

So how do we deal with this time and time again? It’s simple – we just do. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but it takes a hell of a lot of strength to do this over and over again on your own, and I say that for everyone who’s been through this. To be rejected so many times. To be made to feel crazy simply because they can’t explain your mystery illness and symptoms. I don’t fit into the text book definition of anything, and that’s the unfortunate truth for so many others.

I’m scared and exhausted from this entire process. And yet, that final thing I always feel while sitting here in the waiting room, is hope. Hope that this doctor will be the one that can crack the mystery, that can confidently say they’ve seen this before and know exactly what’s going on and how to help me.

Now from my point of view, I think I have it pretty easy compared to so many others. And I have to say, I admire all of you who are struggling through, so so much! You deserve all the credit in the world, and more.

Another day, another waiting room. Keep fighting peeps, we’re with you.

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