“Chaos cannot claim everything, you know…”

It’s surprisingly VERY rare that I read a line in a book that speaks to me (especially since I mostly read fantasy novels.) But I finally found one!

“Chaos cannot claim everything, you know – there are always objects and points of stability in the worst of it.”

I think this is an important one to note. Not just for those who suffer from chronic illness, but for everyone. We all have chaos causing havoc in our lives – we all struggle from time to time. But there’s always that point of stability in the worst of it, if you just look in the right places.

My points of stability aren’t hard to find. They’re in my life every single day. Making me smile even when I don’t feel like it, making me laugh, making everything else feel small in comparison. Making life so beautiful despite all the shit in it, in all of our lives.

Like most people, right from the get go things haven’t always been simple for me. I was born with collapsed lungs, so already not off to a great start! I suffered viral meningitis as a young child, needed my first surgery when I was 4 and my second when I was 9. Things steadied out a bit as a teenager, though I did suffer PTSD and anxiety.

It was turning 19 that really started to cause the most health issues, when I had my first ovarian cyst. It was a huge one, causing endless pain until I finally had surgery. After that, at age 21, I had surgery for appendicitis – it was chronic and came on slow, over 2 months. Don’t let them tell you that isn’t possible! Then came my Endometriosis diagnosis at age 23, A very complex form that has required surgery almost every year since. THEN, in 2018, arrived my mystery illness, still undiagnosed but looking more and more like a mild form of Lupus.

Yes, none of that has been easy. But all of that made me who I am, and taught me one vital lesson… Appreciation. Appreciation for every simple and beautiful moment that brings a smile or a sense of peace and hope. Appreciation for every moment I have with those I love. Appreciation for every time a friend checks up on how I am, or my boyfriend cuddles me until I fall asleep when I’m not feeling well.

Just little things – little things that add up to a very full heart and a life full with joy. My people always have been, and always will be, my points of stability.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s